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Stuntman Friction….. A true Story !!!

So you all might have heard about great Friction diving, NO!! it’s the new sport of the generation. And here the word “friction” used is a verb, he’s the man, the fire starter, the first diver, the born talent in the field of diving [or slipping, potato-patato], the perfection of his dive has made the sport famous amongst us. Now you must be inquisitive WhoTF is Friction, and WTF is this Friction Diving. Hold on lads, there is a story, a history if I may say, behind the Friction Diving, and you all ought to know it, so from the next paragraph you’ll be filled with thrill and action.

As  people say, it was a dark night of August 2009, a man was walking down the road to his bike, a brand new bike Pulser 150, no body saw the face in the dark, but the slender figure walked with helmet on the head, looked like a dick; and people got amused by the beauty of the dick that night. Tall and dark it was, walking with an elegance, toward the bike, the Pulser 150. The ladies standing by, heard the clicking of the key, and it turned, though bike’s electric starter was broken, but it never stopped the man who looked like a dick in night of august 2009, he kicked and the bike roared, he impressed the ladies by giving a bit more accelerator than needed, the light was turned on, and the bike looked like a wild cat about to prey. He put his so called  “Sita Paduka” on the gears, and with the click the wild cat started moving, the ladies nearby sensed a near orgasm, but the beast with a man, the man who looked like a dick in the night of  august 2009, on, moved at its own pace. It was a slow stride, the elegant one, till it saw its prey and it clung its caws in the road, got the speed and it was lost in the pitch blackness of the night, ladies nearby were far behind now, whispering and wondering what the man looked like?  was he single? What would it feel to be with him in bed? would it hurt? would he be wild like the cat he was driving? or would he be gentle, and care for her as he cares for his own slender body?

It was a straight road, no hurdles and even less for the beast, roaring and running. The man riding it started feeling uneasy, he wanted to feel rushing wind on his face, he wanted to feel the speed and so he clicked open his helmet, the wind swept across his face was furious; he enjoyed the ferocity, he was the Man. “honk-honk” “honk-honk” a horn was blowing near by continuously, disturbed the man, the man opened his eyes, looked in right rear view and there the source was, a car, the man didn’t care, now what’s a car in front of the beast (so that you don’t forget beast is Pulser 150, and the Man is the person who looked like……you know what!!!); so the man accelerated a bit more as to reach the traffic light as soon as possible since he thought the car-man wants the same, to reach the traffic light, but it was not at all what the car person was thinking, no no no, he wanted to go left, and according to his perspective an asshole with a black Pulser 150 wasn’t giving him any side, so car-man accelerated and when the road leading to left showed up, he took a sharp turn, a very sharp [mind it] turn. The man riding on pulsar never got chance to think or to stop; and even he applied the breaks he went straight into the car’s back tyre, and isn’t it expected? who could have stopped the beast?

The car-man never stopped and got lost in the darkness, but the beast crashed in the tyre, came crashing down, and the man, with his slender body, defied the laws of gravity. With one hand on the waist belt, and second straight ahead, looking as if that’s the guiding hand, with his face straight ahead, the man flew!!! Soaring high, but didn’t last long, the gravity came in its senses, and pulled him down. But then friction didn’t acted and there was no stopping him (this time friction is not a verb, try to keep up). He slide for a while with one side down and then for change he turned, and then friction came in senses but then there was no end of rolling for the man who flew!!! The timer of the traffic light counted, 03-02-01 Yellow Light, 01-02 Red Light….. and the man stopped all of a sudden, and  that too behind the zebra crossing, people should take a lesson from the man, who flew!!, to follow the traffic rules no matter what. The whole scene was that awesome, people looking, now started clapping, and the man raised, between a standing ovation. The public thought it was some Hollywood movie action sequence, so they didn’t came forth to pick the man up, or help him standing, although the man, (you know who), never needed their help, standing tall again, he walked, and went down again. Now the people came to senses, realized there were no cameras, no light, no crew, and even villains were not coming form behind, they went running picked him up, and his light weight body didn’t cause any problem in lifting. Man still said “bhaisahab, dhanayavaad main sahi hun” (brother, thanks i am alright). But we Indians are very caring folk, and like entertainment too, so a few Vellas (the people without anything to do) surrounded him, raised his beast to its stand, and stared the beast while chatting with him, and a few less lucky among themselves.
The man, who was looked upon by people, on the spot, as if he was Hollywood action hero, had a few good friends back, so he called the one who was farthest of all, and the name was HK. the conversation went like this :

Man : “bhai main gir gaya hun, aa jaa”

HK : “chootiye!! main 20 kms door hun, wahan paas main PG (another friend) etc hain unhe call kar”

Man : “oh!! yes yes.”

Somewhere, near by, on a flat [2 bhk, garage too], phone ranged, AJ picked up the phone, listened to a broken down voice, calling for help, he acted instantly, threw the phone,  started pulling up jeans, and instructed to me in an emergency voice
“Joddy, tayar ho jaa, we have to move out”.

While I put on some cloths, and shoes, AJ did 100 push-ups, i asked why, he replied showing his great biceps

“bhai ko agar koi dho raha hoga, to mukke hi mukke de dunga uss ke”,

I said “haan, yahin pushup maar lo 10 -12, fir wahan jaa Kar bolna:”bhaisahab ruko”, 10-12 pushuup wahan marna, poochne “bhaisahab haath lagao, tight ho gaye na dolley?”, agar han boley too mukka na boltey to fir pushups; arri !! han crunches bhi to maarlo, ek aadh lady ko 6 pack dikha ke pata lengey”

We laughed at the joke which sounded good at that instant and we rushed down to the bike, and then to the accident spot.

AJ: “joddy to bike khadi kar ke aa main usse dhooond ke aata hun”

I followed the instructions, and parked the bike, i spotted the man( who was this and that, and everything god can make, remember, who called us for help, try to keep up), surrounded by Vellas; he saw me too, there was a feeble smile on his face, and I reached him.

I directed him the way o my bike, and told him
“chal cahbi aur helmet de, aur tu nikal, wahan baitha rahio, main aata hun”
He obeyed. I looked at him, he could barely walk but crossed the road and reached my bike safely. Now while I was wearing the helmet, and looking at the bike,
Vella 1 : “bhaisahab!! kya bachey hain aap ke dost, by god ki kasam”
Vella2: “han sahi main, bhut hi lucky hian vo ji”

Joddy coolly “load na lo bhaisahab, usual business hai”.

They looked at me as if amazed that how can i be so cool, they haven’t seen my injuries on road, experienced I was, so have to be cool.

So again to get some importance, they shouted to friction
“You yourself khud ki take care karna ji”.
The keys slipped from my hands, never heard that good English in Jaipur, you see, and was amazed at the confidence of the person, alarmingly high. unknowingly and like stimulus i said “bhaisahab join english spoken classes.”
They stared at me with scorn, but then only one of them, still lost in the action sequence of the accident “kya accident tha, wah kya accident tha”.
They gave him a deadly glare, and with slow turn of their head, again asked me “chalo bhai sahab kahan le kar jaoge

Joddy : “aap ke ghar ka address de do”, they smiled blushing. I told them that i would be taking him to nearest hospital, and “shayad patti hi kar denge hospital waley”.

Vella1 again :  “ok ji, you yourself take care of your friend, and yourself too” [confused?, means aap apne dost ki khayal rakhna, aur khud ka bhi]

Joddy : “seriously bhai sahab, join English classes, or talk in hindi and don’t embarrass yourself, anyways thank you for your help”

They smiled thinking : “fakin aaashole (fucking asshole) ”

I smiled back thinking : “Chootiye”

I reached to my bike, man said “i am about to collapse”

Joddy : “baith jao, AJ aata hoga, bee cee gaya kahan hai vo? kahir baitho, fir chaltey hain”

Man : “ghutna nahi mud raha hai yaar”

Joddy : “AJ ko phone karo, aur bulao”

Man : “ghutna nahi mud raha hai YAAR”

Joddy : “Toh HAATH se dial kar le”

Man obeyed and called AJ, AJ was nearly lost, and then with 5 minutes of complete explanation of road, such that even blind may reach us, AJ caught up with us.

We reached hospital emergency ward, there was a sexy nurse, a buffalo looking nurse, and a c*****iya [yes you are right] compounder playing poker on his computer machine. He looked at the Man(hey remember the man?? keep up), all in blood, and bruises, he called upon nurses and instructed
“eee!! LAL DAWAI se saapph kar do isse”
Man followed the nurses( who secretly were admiring his manly stride even after falling form the beast;)) They went in a room, the man started mounting the operation bed, but its bolts were not that tight, so it moved, and the man fell again.

Joddy : “ab kya shauk laga hai girne ka, dhang se baith jao”

Nurse asked me to leave, and operation begin, they cleaned him up, he came out red with LAL DAWAI.

I went to compounder, and told him to inject TT. AJ wet to purchase a TT injection, and i fall back to the man.

Man : “yaar thuddi par bhi lagi hai”

Joddy : “haan-2 chanda (moon) ek aadh daag se khoobsurati nahi jayegi teri”

Man : “yaar mujhey injection se dar lagta hai”

Joddy :  “itna bada stuntman tu, kaise kaise gulamatiyan khata hai, injection se na darr munna”

AJ came back with injection gave it to buffalo-nurse, the buffalo-nurse told the Man to pull down his pants, and when he did so, she cried in shock “where do I put TT, he’s butt-less”

Man : “jahan aap ka haatha ha uss se thora uper hi hai laga do ji.”

after 15 minutes and with the help of 10x magnifier they injected TT successfully.

while we AJ was getting the medical file ready, and me standing besides him, waited for 5 minutes for the man to walk 10 steps and come to us, when he reached he started “dard ho raha hai…”,

Joddy : “sher ka baccha hai tu, chup kar, AJ vo laundi kaisi hai”

Aj : “maal hai bhai”

Joddy : “arrey sher ke bache tu bhi dek le”

Joddy continued : “chal chadd aagey bol, kya bol raha tha”

Man : “dard ho raha hai”

Joddy : “abbey tootey tape recorder ki tehreh na bajj, aur kuch hai to bol nahi to baith jaa”

AJ : “Bahut insensitive ho joddy tum”

Joddy : “chill maar betey….”

We went back to compounded he wrote a few medicines, AJ went up to look for them, and I was wondering “hospital main itni laundiya, voh bhi maal aaj kaise aayi hui hain”

Joddy : “sher ke bacche(hope you remember?) roj gira kar, 5 min mian 4 sahi laundiyan dekh li hain maine, itni to maine jpr main 4 saal main nahi dekhi hongi ”

Aj was taking a long time, we wondered either he was dead or making the medicines himself. He returned after half an hour. We sat on bikes, and were returning to flat, and a car came screeching in, i applied the breaks, we were safe, but the Man, sitting behind me gave a mixed cry, 1st one was of fear that cars are attracting him, and now we would be down again, and 2nd one was form pain as all his bruises brushed against me. I told him to stop crying, after all hooters are banned in Jaipur. After that it was all nice and smooth, we reached flat, we ate, we made jokes about the man, and the went to bed.

The Man was ONE AND ONLY FRICTION [ dear and lovable]

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This was the famous incident behind the Friction diving, named after him, the one stunt no one would ever dare to do, but still the in their dreams they wake up imagining themselves diving.

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