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Bakar Unlimited [Talks Unlimited]

About The Topic: We, as always want to make you laugh, so here we come up with a new idea about the verity of talks people do among themselves, and the styles of the. We have concentrated on the common grounds of different types of bakar. We would be posting this in series of 2 or 3.

As always suggestions are invited, about topic, about matter, about extra that you want to put in, and new ideas to work upon are welcome.

Enjoy the post about, and figure out which category suits you best, or which is the category you haven’t been involved in for this long.

Author: Jim Street [HK] [Definitions and Topic idea]

Co-Author: Joddy Street [JS: D] [Humor and incidents]

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Gyan Pelu Bakar [In English “boley to” Educational Talks] – “A little knowledge is dangerous thing”, well said, but it doesn’t clears one thing, for whom? I figured that out. No matter how much anyone knows, they just ponder everything they have learnt or heard in their life or simply when the knowledge was provided in some means they haven’t given it good enough of attention, but now they really screw people’s head with the waste knowledge of theirs. Want an example? From newspaper, to news channel say indiatv [ which once broadcast abduction of cows by aliens], any irrelevant fact, mostly created in instant, is wrapped up in such an alluring fashion that everyone listens to it, and some listen to it  since they have nothing else to do. Many do find it illogical [those who are still living in senses], but some real       intelligent person do find some relevance in “Bina Sir-Pair Ki Baat” and if you don’t agree with them, they simply call you ahem-ahem, “Chutiya” [a fool]. So for the so called “C*****s” its dangerous thing, the little knowledge of others.

Fokat Bakar [In English “boley to” Nonsense Talks]-These are small interval bakar used for refreshment, mostly by people who do a lot of work but to relax they start these bakars and somehow the people who don’t have much to do, amplify the effect. The one small discussion that cracked them laughing before going back to work, soon becomes the reality they have to face. Want Example? Try to imagine situation (and trust me it’s happened, won’t tell you the name) after long hours of working on computer, two fiends started pulling jokes on one another, one put stronger jokes that day, so just to irritate him, his battle loosing friend stood up, and started touching and playing with him, so the first person cried “gay hi hai tu” and  they both laughed and got back working again, but the topic didn’t halted  here, as said “deevaron ke kaan hotey hain” [“walls are thin”] one slimy bastard overheard the conversation, and next thing you know, the battle loosing friend started to get calls, from boys [Ohh!! Yeh!!] about giving him a treat on GT [yes, in our own Jaipur, phew!!!], he kept cursing on the phone but the phone kept ringing till the gay community confirmed, and to their disappointment he wasn’t gay, even got friend requests on orkut. True story!!!

Chusak Bakar [In English “boley to” Sucking Talks]- In this everyone fights for getting the tag of biggest sucker, which they actually are, but hate to be known by this name. But you just have to lure these people by first pasting this tag on yourself and have to make them comfortable, and then you can see the true sucker part of them. Even they will say that it’s because of your great influence, just be silent, eventually they will be become what they really are. If you try to state them choosak [sucker] they will give simple reason that “tere main dimaag nahin to main kya karun” [“you are brainless, what can I do”],” meri galti nahin hai, tujhe hi samjh nahin aaya.”[“not m fault, if you didn’t understand”], favorite one”yaar tu  gandu hai”[“friend you are an asshole”]. Sucking talks comes with friendly fire, people get hurt in real, either in head [headache] or if someone short tempered sitting next then physical pain would inflict upon the sucker. I remember a joke, and when it was over, I beat up the joker well, he had that coming, so here it goes, Ek baar ek aadmi ke yahan beta paida hota hai, thorey mahinon mian beta khada ho kar chalne lagta hai, baap : “beta tu chala hai, bol kya lega?” beta:”pim-pom”. Beta school jane lagta hai, baap: “beta tum school jaa rahe ho, bolo kya logey”, beta:”pim-pom”. Beta top karta hai class, baap:”beta top kiya hai kya logey”, beta:”pim-pom”. Beta har saal top karta hai, aur har saal pim-pom mangta hai. Beta Engineering collg main jata hai, baap:”beta ab kuch aur maang le” beta:”nahi, pim-pom”. Naukari lagti hai, fir pim-pom, shadi hoti hai fir pim-pm, bacche paida ho jatey hian , fir pim-pom, ek din accident ho jata hai, hospital mian marne wala hota hai vo, baap:”beta aakhiri iccha bata do” beta “pim-pom” Baap:”aisa kya hai pim-pom main” Beta:”pim-pom main, main, main……. Aahh!!! [beta dies, with pim-pom secret]” The end. [I have cut out some of the less important details from the joke, but at that time it went on like 15 minutes] The sucker got a slap from me, well deserved, and very well delivered.

Judgmental Bakar [In English “boley to” Judgmental Talks] – Everyone judges every shit happening around. These bakars can prove everyone is wrong or in simple words, again, chu [no need to write, you all know well]. Everybody tries to show the basic human perspective about him/her that he/she is the most politically correct one. Every relationship and any relationship can be framed in entirely different fashion by these bakars. Leader in such types of bakar is the better part of man [lucky one’s or just say”jo khaye vo pachtey, jo na khaye vo bhi”, for single people just the opposite sex, not better part, got it?], ah!! You guessed it right, woman. Among girls, “main to sati savitri hun par woh hain naa,uska to character hi aisa hai”. “Main bhi ladkon ke saath ghumti hun par hum friends hain par woh jis ladke saath ghum rahi hai, uska us ladke ke saath kya chakkar hai? ”. Not extending it further or else soon “kutiya” or “R***i”[oooisshh!!! that’s heavy laidieeeees J] would be the only words chorus in sentence, or think of it as poem with those heavy words iterated effortlessly.[Would be amazed at the rhyming, I tell you, even great poets like harivansh rai bacchan would have came for training, or some lessons, at least Eminem would have]

Erotic Bakar [In English “boley to” Erotic Talks]- the basic human desire or to be in more generic fashion of all species, the sex, in these bakars desire, of the homo-sapiens, reflect in it, but with the shear brilliance and creativity bestowed  of humans applied, in more vulgar way. These bakars defy any barrier whatsoever; sanctity of any relationship can be put on guillotine. These bakar can prove any girl a prostitute (“a question please: are you a trained pimp?”). Was that heavy? Let’s try it again, these talks move around one and only one topic, sex and figure, the sex is involved mostly in male talks, female talks include “how cute?”, “how hot?”, “how quite?” [Ladies stop asking questions, would ‘a please, I’m hot, and my friend the author here is cute], but male talk figures out every size and shape of female anatomy with all the geometry, biology etc they have learned in their life , it would be nasty if I go further deep into topic [boys know what I mean, hain hain hain!! Hain hain!! Hain!!].

Intellectual Bakar [Intellectual Talks] – Most constructive ones, but often goes in vain, basic human tendency to run away from actually doing something. Some really good ideas are generated but mostly they drain out or if they come in pipeline they remain in it till eternity, only small part of these bakars are actually put to work. Its general characteristics are like gyan pelu bakar, but more sophisticated and advanced one, with real facts mostly. The one thing that really matters is the way of presentation, if serious people listen to it and agrees, and if humorous further humor is added to the topic. Philosophy, psychology, knowledge of any subject, everything convolves, at relatively mature level. Alas very few intellectuals are made, and even few are recognized.[Nothing funny to say here mate, that’s a shame, the number of intellectuals].

Love Bakar [Love Talks] – Most common among drunkards. These bakars include movie dialogues, songs, mostly from Shrahrukh Khan Movies, or Mithun movie, n a few times Hollywood touches could be seen, depending on the level of persons involved. It generally includes the guys who defend their love. Stating it as a serious relationship, a true love, or discovery of soul mate, the one [mind it a!!, after many ones, once again the one comes, bewildering maths]. Loss of girl with whom they never talked is one of the most interesting part (“Main aaj bhi usko utna hi pyaar karta hun”, “abhi wali mere pehle pyar ko nahi chupa sakti” [HEY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?]. Among single ones, either they move on to erotic bakars, or they do what we call “Pathar rakh dena”. Some people are just too much, they won’t talk to girls, but would follow her, or at least their eyes would do so, and would be seriously offended if ever some other guy would try his luck. This is another interesting scenario, they would cry on their friends shoulder “mujhe kyu nahi mil sakti vo?” [hellooooooo!!] or “woh jaisi bhi hai, jahan bhi hai bus khush rahe” [just to remind you- Chalte Chalte  movie dialogue],Now hilarious part comes in, those assumed best friends would say, taking out their phone “bhai kah de aaj, bol daal!!!” [Ha ha ha !!!]. These bakars don’t end until everyone sleeps or somebody vomits [a slight break from the topic it gives as now people would care for the vomiting person, would put him in bed, but now the freaks would discuss his love life!!! “launda aashik hai” [people???] ].

Drunkards Bakar [Drunkards Bakar] – Hahahahaha!!! That should be enough. No one remembers, no one cares, unless somebody start crying or heats up, then the matters are handled by less drunken people or people in better senses. I remember one incident, where one guy started crying and shouting “maine itne saal aap ke liye g*** marai (literally means, I have let my ass get fucked for you. But truly means have done a lot of things for you. Those *’s I put were audible on the scene they sounded like “AAND” with of course G was in front),  …… ……….. ” [And bastard never stopped wailing till some of his friends took him to bed]. Some people just get furious you know, and got more enraged after having a bottle or two of beer [highway’s mind it, bacchan sell fake ones, I always tasted water in beer, how can that be possible? Answer: it’s India, and that’s Jamdoli, everything is possible], now the young angry men used to take out their wrath on stands, I use to hear clunking noises and even once a few of my friends messed up, and got engaged with highway police, boy I told them stands weren’t finished yet, so why police? Anyways, that night many good stands lost their lives [Well after exchanging a few punches with police, my dear friend was taken in and mentally tortured by fat, ugly assholes, the Thullas (nick for police). It was a nice story for comedy, I’ll write about that someday, with a bit change in scenario]. Also, and, this is my favorite one, happens rarely, truly rare incident, my friend [a boy], my another friend [a girl] [have to make the situation clear after Section 377], started making out, till the girl realized that boy was too dark to be her boyfriend [actually the bf stepped in on them, and he was too drunk to care, and it was a dark room too] and the boy realized he never had a girl friend, they broke their fun making out, and I was the lucky one to watch whole incident, sitting across the room, next day no one cared what happened last night. Alcohol man alcohol!!!, beats anything.

____________End of part 1 __________

——————Part 2 includes—————

Motivational Bakar,

Inspirational Bakar,

Provoking Bakar,

Depressing Bakar,

Court-of-marshal Bakar ,

Praising Bakars,

Intimidating Bakars,

Imitating Bakars.

—————-Keep Reading——————–

—————-Keep Laughing——————-

Send us your most embarrassing, or funny moments, we would like it to get published, with characters anonymous depending on your request and gravity of embarrassment.

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2 Responses

  1. Chirag says:

    Jodds eventually u came up with a new bakar……”The BLOG BAKAR”

  2. Pratyush says:

    hehehe…………….

    mast “gyan pelu” bakar jhaadi hai ………

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