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Bridegroom Friction

A true romantic story of our hero the Stuntman Friction.

Author – Joddy Street

Co-Author – Jim Street

Do Leave Comments, enjoy reading.

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Chuk-2, chuk-2, the train moved, the clinking sound that tyres made with rail were soothing, chilly breeze on the face felt incredible (some another word).  I was looking outside the window, and far-2 away the orange light was filling the blue, it was like the painters imagination perfectly painted on canvas, and its beauty enchanted me. I heard a moan beside me, and slowly looked down at the birth, it was my buddy Friction, slowly waking up. I liked the first scene better, so I went back looking outside the window, and suggested frici too to take a look at the nature’s perfection in art, he made another sound (it was disgusting), and buried his face deep in his arm. We were already in Kerela, and in another two hours, we would be at our destination. I smiled unintentionally, thinking about our mission in Kerala. Friction was in love for a long time, and today he was to meet his gf’s father and ask for her hand.

An hour later, friction woke up, and yawned asking me for time, I told him the time, he sat straight for some time, yawning all the time, with as big yawn as his mouth can open. Then he faced me, and started talking

F: “ciggi hai kya?”

J:”sale, badboo maar raha hai tera moonh, udehr kar ke bol ya bol hi mat.”

F:”ciggi hai kya?”

J:”ab kya ulti kara ke hi manega? Bol mat!! bol mat bhai please, bag mian padi hai. Ja, aur chup!!”

He went to the bathroom, smoked, brushed, came back, sat down, took a paper form his pocket, and started reading it. He would have read it 100 times already, but, since it was the letter that he was to give to his gf’s dad, he read it again. I got irritated, and told him to shove the letter up in his ass, he stared at me, then went back to reading it, I spoke again, “itna padha hota, to 10th class first time main pass kar leta”. He punched me in biceps, put the letter in his bag, and sat straight with angry expression. I realized my fault, ask him to pardon me, he didn’t change his expression, neither looked at me, I said ”aisi shakal se tune uss ke beti mangi, to tujh se pehle apne bhangi ko consider karega vo. ”. He laughed, I laughed and we were cool. We chatted about whole lot of possibilities, about what would happen?

Train stopped, our station had come, we pulled up bags on shoulder, and stepped out. It was a pleasant day, bit chilly morning. I was already in love with Kerala. We stepped out of station, and a wave of auto-rickshaw drivers surrounded us, talking rapidly in malyalam, well I confess I am dark, but not exactly looked like keral guy. We waved them away, and asked one sitting few meters away, he told in malyalam 200 rs would be charge, well I do know numeric  in telgu, I did my training in hyd city for two months,  to be clear. I told friction what he said, Friction told drier to fuck off. Driver:”Fucks you!! sisterfucker, you think only you know English”, accent was good American typo, for once I thought he was a nigger, hence took a closer look, bushy mustaches, shiny head, heavy built, that could only be made by consuming 2 kg rice per-day, and dark brown colored skin, made me believe that he was typical a “anna”. And it was reasonable too, only Indians drive auto in America, and vice-versa would be rare, I think.  We started laughing out loud, hired his auto, and reached the so long awaited destination. Auto-rickshaw driver charged us reasonably but he never stopped talking in English. Driver left us outside a house, and waved goodbye:”tata fuckers”.

It was a big house, big white house, surrounded by all the possible greenery. Friction couldn’t hold back the temptation and ringed the bell. I heard the clicking of door knobs, so I came forward to look who’s there? On the main gate I read the sign “beware of dogs”, and the front gate flung open, all I could see was a bear, a huge bear (aaahh!! Look at the smile on your faces people, always thinking about alcohol. Not beer, “bhaalooo”). Bear spoke: “who’s there?” it was a heavy voice and sounded like growl. Friction replied:”letter sir”.

Bear:”ohh!! Postman, nice dress they giveaway to postman these days.” And got lost thinking about his young ages, when he wore red shirt and yellow trousers, bear smiled. Friction voice wake him up,” no sir, not a postman”

Bear:”then who are you?”

Friction:”sir a letter for you”

Bear:”idiot, answer the question first, who are you?”

Friction:”rajasthani”

Bear:”you think I am a fool, yes I can tell where you are from, I can tell about that person beside you, he’s hydrabadi” and greeted me in kannad.

I felt rage inside, yes I am dark, wander in sun too much, but what the fuck, from which angle do I look like a hyderabadi??

Friction:”no sir he’s rajasthani too, he’s with me, and I am Friction.”

Bear:”you are proving me wrong again, who the hell are you?” he shouted.

I came forth, and answer the question, as politely as I could have, after hearing that I’m hydrabadi,

Jdy:”sir, he’s friction, he has a letter for you, if you could permit him, he wants to hand it over to you.”

He called us in. While climbing the footsteps, friction slipped, and went straight for the foot of bear, bear got impressed thought friction was touching his foot for “aashirvaad” [blessings]. And sudden change of mood came in; bear invited us in the house.

We followed the bear, he told us to sit our asses down, in a better language, I followed, but friction waited for bear to sit, so I stood up again. The bear sat down, and we heard the most painful screech, made by the sofa, I tried not to put my hands on the ears, but they failed me, as they fail me in exams, and invlountarily they want straight up to save my sensitive ears, friction winced a bit, bear gave me scornful look, what could have I done, m just another masooom [innocuous me]. As we sat down, bear opened the letter,

bear:”this letter is too long”

friction:”give it to me sir, I’ll read it”

me:”he knows english too, right sir?”

bear gave me another shot  from the corner of his eyes, i shrugged, my motives were clearly to get my impression back on track, alas!!

Bear started reading the letter, and all of a sudden he stopped, and  gave the killer look to friction,

bear:”who wrote this letter?”

friction:”why sir? what happened?”, then looked me in questioning manner, i just moved my sholders, saying i don’t know man.

bear:”the asshole who wrote this letter is callineg me a chootiya[asshole], he has overwritten the uncle word. Who the hell is the writer?”

Friction now understood, and gave me the most dangerous look he ever could, was a bit funny you know, I just smiled. What more? I wrote that, thinking friction would ask HK to go with him, he did ask HK, but HK was busy in flying dog by mental thoughts, so to his utter dissapointment he asked me, and i almost forgot what I had done, till this very moment. Friction:”Sir, the writer didn’t meant that, its just some asshole who puuled the joke, ad its not on you, its on me, I am sorry”

Bear growled:”I ASKED YOU, WHO THE HELL WROTE THE LETTER?, ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE? DEAF? OR JUST TOO DUMB?”

well bear got one thing correct, friction was dumb.

Friction, faced down, in his voice there was deepest remourse I have ever heard, replied poiletly, and voice sounded like he was on verge of crying: “Sir, I wrote the letter, but somebody made the changes, I never mean anything wrong about you. I am sorry for the mischief, and take full resposiblility.”

Damn! that was a brillient answer, sounded like HR of some company, and bear came back to normal state, his eyebrows (looked like he could have lieces there too, that bussy), came to normal state, frown went away.

He gave letter to friction, friction took it with shaking hand. Bear saw this, and became more polite, asked friction to cool down, he didn’t mean to scream, it was just a bit upsetting, being called .. you know what. Smile came back on friction’s lips, and he started reading the letter aloud to bear.

In the end of the letter, these words came out of fricitons mouth: “I want your daughter’s hand”

A foul smile came on bears’ lips, he came in playfull mood, and asked sarcastically :”which hand?”

Friction:”any hand”

Bear:”anyway, tell me, which hand?”

Friction:”sir right would do.”

bear:”she writes with that hand”

Friction:”i dont mean ” his voice was supressed by bear’s next yelling

Bear:”I DONT CARE WHAT YOU MEAN ASSHOLE? I ASKED YOU QUESTION, HAVE’T I? TELL ME, HAVE YOU FLUNKED SOMETIME?”

Me:”yes sir, 10th class”, and I laughed ou loud, but it became an awkward laugh, like bike coming to halt after applying disk breaks, discreetly with hickups voices, i stopped laughing, and looked down.

Bear:”hmmm”

Friction:”sir, then left hand”

Bear smiled mockingly, “she washes, you know what with that hand. What would become of her after that hand gone? Would you wash her  ahem-ahem” I thought fucking bastard talikng shit for her own daughter. But he was angry, too angry, and was a respected man around, so can’t make a scene by making us leave, so he continued asking rude and too rude questions.

Friction :”sir, dont take me as a wrong guy, I have left all the girls for your daughter?”

Bear:”so my daughter made you homosexual, what you call these days,a gay?”

Friction:”no sir, what i mean is, i just love you daughter, and she is a girl”

Bear:”OFFCOURSE YOU ASSHOLE, SHE IS A GIRL”

Friction:”I didnt mean that sir, i mean I am not a gay, and I love your daughter.”

Friction continued, bear tried to speak, but friction was the winner, :”sir, i have plnned it all out, I’ll do MBA in 3 years, till then she’ll graduate, and we’ll marry”

Bear:”3 years?”

me:”risk included sir, if he fails, then what? YOu wont get this much organised bridegroom”

Both looked at me with grate rage, well I didnt understand, sala I was trying to help.

Bear:”so if you fail twice, you calculation goes wrong then”

I thought, don’t y ou say that calculation is wrong, he’ll need a calculator to add one. I remember the night, the rigrous work being done by friction over the calculation presented to the bear.

Friction:”Sir, I just want to be your daughter’s future. And I wasn’t talking about flunking, I would do job for an year, then apply for MBA, I won’t fail”

Bear:”If you do?”

Me:”send your daughter to do MBA sir.”

Bear slowly moved his eyes to me, and to his disspointment, I was looking at the  cieling, was a must see cieling man. So he looked away.

Friction again got his attention,”Sir, I am a good singer, dancer, stuntman, and I’ll keep your daughter happy, forever and  ever and ever” Friction lost in his thoughts of old hindi movies, heroine running to hero, hero running towards the heroine, in a too slow motuion, after 5 minutes of running, they meet  and hug each other, and camera looked up showing birds making out. And tears came in friction’s eyes.

———————————————End of Part 1—————————————————

———————————————    Part 2       —————————————————–

It would fill you with information about how friction managed to get a yes on his proposal.

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Bakar Unlimited [Talks Unlimited]

About The Topic: We, as always want to make you laugh, so here we come up with a new idea about the verity of talks people do among themselves, and the styles of the. We have concentrated on the common grounds of different types of bakar. We would be posting this in series of 2 or 3.

As always suggestions are invited, about topic, about matter, about extra that you want to put in, and new ideas to work upon are welcome.

Enjoy the post about, and figure out which category suits you best, or which is the category you haven’t been involved in for this long.

Author: Jim Street [HK] [Definitions and Topic idea]

Co-Author: Joddy Street [JS: D] [Humor and incidents]

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Gyan Pelu Bakar [In English “boley to” Educational Talks] – “A little knowledge is dangerous thing”, well said, but it doesn’t clears one thing, for whom? I figured that out. No matter how much anyone knows, they just ponder everything they have learnt or heard in their life or simply when the knowledge was provided in some means they haven’t given it good enough of attention, but now they really screw people’s head with the waste knowledge of theirs. Want an example? From newspaper, to news channel say indiatv [ which once broadcast abduction of cows by aliens], any irrelevant fact, mostly created in instant, is wrapped up in such an alluring fashion that everyone listens to it, and some listen to it  since they have nothing else to do. Many do find it illogical [those who are still living in senses], but some real       intelligent person do find some relevance in “Bina Sir-Pair Ki Baat” and if you don’t agree with them, they simply call you ahem-ahem, “Chutiya” [a fool]. So for the so called “C*****s” its dangerous thing, the little knowledge of others.

Fokat Bakar [In English “boley to” Nonsense Talks]-These are small interval bakar used for refreshment, mostly by people who do a lot of work but to relax they start these bakars and somehow the people who don’t have much to do, amplify the effect. The one small discussion that cracked them laughing before going back to work, soon becomes the reality they have to face. Want Example? Try to imagine situation (and trust me it’s happened, won’t tell you the name) after long hours of working on computer, two fiends started pulling jokes on one another, one put stronger jokes that day, so just to irritate him, his battle loosing friend stood up, and started touching and playing with him, so the first person cried “gay hi hai tu” and  they both laughed and got back working again, but the topic didn’t halted  here, as said “deevaron ke kaan hotey hain” [“walls are thin”] one slimy bastard overheard the conversation, and next thing you know, the battle loosing friend started to get calls, from boys [Ohh!! Yeh!!] about giving him a treat on GT [yes, in our own Jaipur, phew!!!], he kept cursing on the phone but the phone kept ringing till the gay community confirmed, and to their disappointment he wasn’t gay, even got friend requests on orkut. True story!!!

Chusak Bakar [In English “boley to” Sucking Talks]- In this everyone fights for getting the tag of biggest sucker, which they actually are, but hate to be known by this name. But you just have to lure these people by first pasting this tag on yourself and have to make them comfortable, and then you can see the true sucker part of them. Even they will say that it’s because of your great influence, just be silent, eventually they will be become what they really are. If you try to state them choosak [sucker] they will give simple reason that “tere main dimaag nahin to main kya karun” [“you are brainless, what can I do”],” meri galti nahin hai, tujhe hi samjh nahin aaya.”[“not m fault, if you didn’t understand”], favorite one”yaar tu  gandu hai”[“friend you are an asshole”]. Sucking talks comes with friendly fire, people get hurt in real, either in head [headache] or if someone short tempered sitting next then physical pain would inflict upon the sucker. I remember a joke, and when it was over, I beat up the joker well, he had that coming, so here it goes, Ek baar ek aadmi ke yahan beta paida hota hai, thorey mahinon mian beta khada ho kar chalne lagta hai, baap : “beta tu chala hai, bol kya lega?” beta:”pim-pom”. Beta school jane lagta hai, baap: “beta tum school jaa rahe ho, bolo kya logey”, beta:”pim-pom”. Beta top karta hai class, baap:”beta top kiya hai kya logey”, beta:”pim-pom”. Beta har saal top karta hai, aur har saal pim-pom mangta hai. Beta Engineering collg main jata hai, baap:”beta ab kuch aur maang le” beta:”nahi, pim-pom”. Naukari lagti hai, fir pim-pom, shadi hoti hai fir pim-pm, bacche paida ho jatey hian , fir pim-pom, ek din accident ho jata hai, hospital mian marne wala hota hai vo, baap:”beta aakhiri iccha bata do” beta “pim-pom” Baap:”aisa kya hai pim-pom main” Beta:”pim-pom main, main, main……. Aahh!!! [beta dies, with pim-pom secret]” The end. [I have cut out some of the less important details from the joke, but at that time it went on like 15 minutes] The sucker got a slap from me, well deserved, and very well delivered.

Judgmental Bakar [In English “boley to” Judgmental Talks] – Everyone judges every shit happening around. These bakars can prove everyone is wrong or in simple words, again, chu [no need to write, you all know well]. Everybody tries to show the basic human perspective about him/her that he/she is the most politically correct one. Every relationship and any relationship can be framed in entirely different fashion by these bakars. Leader in such types of bakar is the better part of man [lucky one’s or just say”jo khaye vo pachtey, jo na khaye vo bhi”, for single people just the opposite sex, not better part, got it?], ah!! You guessed it right, woman. Among girls, “main to sati savitri hun par woh hain naa,uska to character hi aisa hai”. “Main bhi ladkon ke saath ghumti hun par hum friends hain par woh jis ladke saath ghum rahi hai, uska us ladke ke saath kya chakkar hai? ”. Not extending it further or else soon “kutiya” or “R***i”[oooisshh!!! that’s heavy laidieeeees J] would be the only words chorus in sentence, or think of it as poem with those heavy words iterated effortlessly.[Would be amazed at the rhyming, I tell you, even great poets like harivansh rai bacchan would have came for training, or some lessons, at least Eminem would have]

Erotic Bakar [In English “boley to” Erotic Talks]- the basic human desire or to be in more generic fashion of all species, the sex, in these bakars desire, of the homo-sapiens, reflect in it, but with the shear brilliance and creativity bestowed  of humans applied, in more vulgar way. These bakars defy any barrier whatsoever; sanctity of any relationship can be put on guillotine. These bakar can prove any girl a prostitute (“a question please: are you a trained pimp?”). Was that heavy? Let’s try it again, these talks move around one and only one topic, sex and figure, the sex is involved mostly in male talks, female talks include “how cute?”, “how hot?”, “how quite?” [Ladies stop asking questions, would ‘a please, I’m hot, and my friend the author here is cute], but male talk figures out every size and shape of female anatomy with all the geometry, biology etc they have learned in their life , it would be nasty if I go further deep into topic [boys know what I mean, hain hain hain!! Hain hain!! Hain!!].

Intellectual Bakar [Intellectual Talks] – Most constructive ones, but often goes in vain, basic human tendency to run away from actually doing something. Some really good ideas are generated but mostly they drain out or if they come in pipeline they remain in it till eternity, only small part of these bakars are actually put to work. Its general characteristics are like gyan pelu bakar, but more sophisticated and advanced one, with real facts mostly. The one thing that really matters is the way of presentation, if serious people listen to it and agrees, and if humorous further humor is added to the topic. Philosophy, psychology, knowledge of any subject, everything convolves, at relatively mature level. Alas very few intellectuals are made, and even few are recognized.[Nothing funny to say here mate, that’s a shame, the number of intellectuals].

Love Bakar [Love Talks] – Most common among drunkards. These bakars include movie dialogues, songs, mostly from Shrahrukh Khan Movies, or Mithun movie, n a few times Hollywood touches could be seen, depending on the level of persons involved. It generally includes the guys who defend their love. Stating it as a serious relationship, a true love, or discovery of soul mate, the one [mind it a!!, after many ones, once again the one comes, bewildering maths]. Loss of girl with whom they never talked is one of the most interesting part (“Main aaj bhi usko utna hi pyaar karta hun”, “abhi wali mere pehle pyar ko nahi chupa sakti” [HEY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?]. Among single ones, either they move on to erotic bakars, or they do what we call “Pathar rakh dena”. Some people are just too much, they won’t talk to girls, but would follow her, or at least their eyes would do so, and would be seriously offended if ever some other guy would try his luck. This is another interesting scenario, they would cry on their friends shoulder “mujhe kyu nahi mil sakti vo?” [hellooooooo!!] or “woh jaisi bhi hai, jahan bhi hai bus khush rahe” [just to remind you- Chalte Chalte  movie dialogue],Now hilarious part comes in, those assumed best friends would say, taking out their phone “bhai kah de aaj, bol daal!!!” [Ha ha ha !!!]. These bakars don’t end until everyone sleeps or somebody vomits [a slight break from the topic it gives as now people would care for the vomiting person, would put him in bed, but now the freaks would discuss his love life!!! “launda aashik hai” [people???] ].

Drunkards Bakar [Drunkards Bakar] – Hahahahaha!!! That should be enough. No one remembers, no one cares, unless somebody start crying or heats up, then the matters are handled by less drunken people or people in better senses. I remember one incident, where one guy started crying and shouting “maine itne saal aap ke liye g*** marai (literally means, I have let my ass get fucked for you. But truly means have done a lot of things for you. Those *’s I put were audible on the scene they sounded like “AAND” with of course G was in front),  …… ……….. ” [And bastard never stopped wailing till some of his friends took him to bed]. Some people just get furious you know, and got more enraged after having a bottle or two of beer [highway’s mind it, bacchan sell fake ones, I always tasted water in beer, how can that be possible? Answer: it’s India, and that’s Jamdoli, everything is possible], now the young angry men used to take out their wrath on stands, I use to hear clunking noises and even once a few of my friends messed up, and got engaged with highway police, boy I told them stands weren’t finished yet, so why police? Anyways, that night many good stands lost their lives [Well after exchanging a few punches with police, my dear friend was taken in and mentally tortured by fat, ugly assholes, the Thullas (nick for police). It was a nice story for comedy, I’ll write about that someday, with a bit change in scenario]. Also, and, this is my favorite one, happens rarely, truly rare incident, my friend [a boy], my another friend [a girl] [have to make the situation clear after Section 377], started making out, till the girl realized that boy was too dark to be her boyfriend [actually the bf stepped in on them, and he was too drunk to care, and it was a dark room too] and the boy realized he never had a girl friend, they broke their fun making out, and I was the lucky one to watch whole incident, sitting across the room, next day no one cared what happened last night. Alcohol man alcohol!!!, beats anything.

____________End of part 1 __________

——————Part 2 includes—————

Motivational Bakar,

Inspirational Bakar,

Provoking Bakar,

Depressing Bakar,

Court-of-marshal Bakar ,

Praising Bakars,

Intimidating Bakars,

Imitating Bakars.

—————-Keep Reading——————–

—————-Keep Laughing——————-

Send us your most embarrassing, or funny moments, we would like it to get published, with characters anonymous depending on your request and gravity of embarrassment.

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